Today, February 20th 2014, would have been my Grandma Ruby's 84th birthday. She passed away in September. I miss her more than words could ever measure.
You always think that the people you care about the most will be there forever. At least, that is what I thought. I always just assumed my grandparents would live forever. I thought that if I ever had children, that my grandma would always be there for me to call when I didn't know what the hell I was doing and my grandpa would be there to play and making silly faces with them.
I know as we get older we die. It's a fact of life. I'll just never be okay with my grandma passing away.
When my grandpa died, he was so, so sick. He deserved to be released from that, and in a way, I was happy that he wasn't in pain anymore. He went from being a vibrant, ornery old man to not remembering some of us, and it went as far as him one time thinking I was his nurse.
I had to step out of the room on that one. I know he didn't know, but it completely broke my heart.
Being there when he left this world was one of the hardest things I had ever done in my life at that point, but I wouldn't have changed it for the world. I miss his smile, his quirky sayings and his compassion so much.
With my grandma it was different. She was the healthiest 83 year old woman I ever knew. She took great care of herself, and everyone around her knew it. Then one fateful day changed everything. She had a stroke and nothing will ever be the same again. It isn't fair that she had to leave like that. It isn't fair to her, to us.
I was the only one with her the morning she passed away. In a way, I want to believe that she waited for me to get there that day to let go. Again, it was the worst day of my life, but I wouldn't have wanted to be anywhere else.
Some of you may have been at the funeral, some may have not, some may have no idea who she was who are reading this. Either way, I wanted to share with you my eulogy. I think that she would have really liked what I had to say.
On that note, here we go:
When someone you love passes away, there is a strong temptation to remember them perhaps a little too well. Only the most shining characteristics of our loved ones make it into the version of them that we keep with us when they depart.
My Grandma's only fault was that she left this world too soon.
As
most of you know, she played a very intricate role in my life, as well as my
brother. She and my Grandpa Ray raised both of us from a very young age, and
spoiled us rotten. I know I was a little brat from time to time, but she always
called me her shadow and I went everywhere with her. I think I was closer to
all of my Great Aunt's then I was anyone else in our family!
There
are thousands of things I could go on about and the values she taught me, but I
think the best thing she has instilled in me over the years was her strength.
She was the strongest woman I know, and She was always there for everyone, and
I do mean EVERYONE. She tried to teach me that whatever was happening at that
moment, wasn't the end of the world. Even though it sure felt like it
sometimes.
When my Grandpa passed away, two years ago this
month, we all took it very hard. I think she was lost for a while, but she kept
on visiting my husband and I, we would all go have lunch or we'd have her over
to our house for dinner... Even though she hated the fact that my dogs loved
her. She would always say, “I like your dogs, I just don’t like them near me.”
She also visited my nephews all the time. Those boys couldn't have made her any
happier.
She lived for her family.
She lived for her family.
I can't really even express how much I'm going to miss her. She was the one I'd call when I didn't know simple things like how to hard boil an egg. I'd call her when I was upset and she was my rock. I'd call her when I was excited and she was my companion in the happiness it brought. I just hope that she sees us all here and realizes just how many people's lives she touched and what she meant to all of us.
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